Blooper Reel

Despite what our blogs would have you believe, most of our time isn't spend taking in the culture and being ever increasingly enlightened.  Most of it is spent like freshman the first day of college... just sort of wandering around being overwhelmed, making an idiot out of yourself, and at the end of the day finding those three people who seemed to like you okay and having a beer/wine/eating marathon with them.

In the spirit of total transparency, here are some of my / Scott's / our friends' experiences.  (anything spoken in Italian but translated into English will be italicized)

Laura: Would you like to go outside?

Me: I do like music~ this is internet radio!

Laura: You don't understand... let's go water the plants
Me: You want a glass of water?

Laura: No thank you, let's go polish the plants
Me: *confused look*

Laura: Will you help me?
Me: You want a towel because it's sunny?

*Laura gives up*

Scott: *calls restaurant, asks what hours they are open*

Me: Look at you fancy-pants, speaking in Italian

Scott: *full of pride* Yeah, I think I'm finally getting the hang of this Italian thing!

(is interrupted by a text message from the restaurant... that he didn't ask for... in English... because they assumed he had no idea what they were saying when he called.  *Scott Note*  If this happens again, I will respond to their text in Spanish.)

~for privacy's sake, all others shall be anonymous~

Friend: *walks into Italian grocery store*

Italians: *all stare at him and watch him walk awkwardly around*

Friend: *ducks behind vegetable stand, and when blocked from Italian's view, runs outside to the car empty handed*

Friend: *decided to just shop on base, gets to the Italian run checkout and decides to practice in a less intimidating environment* Good day!

Italian: *we have no idea because friend understood none of it*

Friend: Sorry, I didn't understand

Italian: You don't really speak any Italian do you?
Friend: *hangs head in shame*

Italian: Do you like to smoke?

Friend: yes, but not cigarettes, I prefer the pipe

Italian: *stunned silence*

Friend: *confused look*
Italian: Ummm... don't say that to people

Friend: Why?  Are they really into cigarettes or something?
Italian: You just said you don't smoke cigarettes because you prefer the penis

Friend: Ah.